Whoever is reading this don't cut, because once you start you cant stop.

I miss cutting so much. The way it felt, the blood, the feeling of being alive. I wish I had a blade right now but everything is locked up, there is nothing I can cut with. I want to scream. I want to cut so bad it hurts. I want something,  anything to take away my pain. Its like an addiction, it is an addiction. Once you start cutting you cant stop, its all you think about. I cant go one day without thinking about it. It is always on my mind. I want it to stop I want to stop thinking about it but I can't. Why can't I stop? I want to stop thinking about it so bad. I want to cut so bad. I don't know what to do.

Hello, I am not sure how to start this but I thought it would be a good idea for me to have a blog. You see I just got out of the hospital because I wanted to kill myself. I was in there for three weeks and I want to share my experience and stories that I have gathered over the last few weeks. I also would like to share my experiences going forward. I will start with some basic information, my name is Kate and I am 16. I live in Boston M.A and I am in 10th grade. I have had depression since I was in fifth grade, it all started when I got bullied. I will get into that story sometime in the future. I started cutting in 6th grade when my grades began to drop and I  was having a hard time, I cut until the end of 9th grade. No one knows that I used to cut except for 2 people, my best friends. My parents don't know, my doctors don't know, and my therapist doesn't know, and I don't want them to find out. I don't want to hurt them any more than I already have. When I was put in the hospital everyone that I loved was hurt and it made me feel like shit because I knew I was the reason they were in pain. When I got out of the hospital my main goal was and is to help people who are going through what I am but haven't told anyone or even if they have told someone I just want to help people through their hard times. So I decided to start a blog, a blog about my stories and experiences as I try to work through my depression and anxiety, and hopefully I can help a few people in the process.